Landlord

landlord of your
heart

i looked at the spaces between your fingers -

"no trespassing",
i read the sign cautiously
my heart sank. 

if only
you would rent the spaces to me 

because all i want
isn't to hold your hand 

but 

to reach for it. 

Love comes slyly, like a thief

It is one of those incoherently sad days where, I am so sad I can't bring myself even to find a word more appropriate than sad to describe it.

If you can't overcome your personal hurdles I will go through them with you, hand in hand. I won't harbour the same demons too, but I will be right by your side fighting them along with you.

My thoughts weave themselves into chains of water, angry tides crashing against the confined spaces of my skull, moaning for me to feel it. Darling, I do. You can spend weeks, months, and years, carefully and diligently placing the bricks, one on top of the other, making your wall.

But I will not flood. I will not flood.

142/365

I've replayed moments between me and you like a series of broken records. Dissected piece by piece, play by play in slow motion for fear of losing a single fragment or feeling stirred by the night. The way our fingers laced without words having to guide them. The way our foreheads weighed against one another, balancing back and forth. Fingertips traced silhouettes, making shapes, outlining our bodies' landscapes.

140/365

Weekly club training

Pitch perfect day

Beach date with Che 

Nostalgia

Be careful with nostalgia, it isn't what it used to be. It twists and turns and chokes, and sometimes in the right moments, it even makes you cry.

I do remember when the years passed gently, when we were full and sleepless, loud and pounding. I remember when I was still young enough to trust the world and old enough to know that I shouldn't, but human enough to do it anyway, and I remember what it's like to be left fractured and changed. I remember being hemmed and halved, loosely bound to things you know will never last and the other half chasing after the infinite you know you'll never have.

I am seventeen and eighteen and nineteen and twenty. I am that fourteen year old girl crying in my mother's closet because I felt the weight of the entire world on my shoulders and didn't have the voice or the words to explain how lonely it is when no one understands and you're constantly looking for a feeling that's never far but always fleeting, that's too complex to try to explain to anyone else so you keep it in soft-spoken places where no one ever looks. I am fifteen and looking out over the edge of what felt like the entire universe. I am sixteen and realising that nothing will ever be the same. And I know what it's like to have the people in our lives leave blind spots on who we used to be. But I also know that this cramped and crooked place is the only thing that can knock the wind out of you, that can keep us alive.

Monday blues

Ootd 2 days ago on Sat — had impromptu kBBQ with jy at OC and caught an impromptu movie afterwards. Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 was pretty good! Hung around Kinokuniya for a good hour before shopping for his Mother's Day gift to his mom at Taka. Ended the day with another impromptu decision to sing K at scape's Kbox! Good day indeed. 

Dreading the week ahead with many activities lined up hence making it really draining. On a brighter note, that also means time will fly by even quickly and soon it will be the weekend again. 

Decked out in blue for the first time in forever on a Monday (Monday blues indeed) because I've been wearing white a lot lately and I remember this was exactly what I wore approximately 10 weeks ago on the day of the release of A's results. It was a Monday too and I recall dreading it really badly and even having nightmares prior to the day itself but it turned out that all was well so for that, another thing to be thankful for. 

Can't wait for the weekend, X 

Untitled

The past week has been pretty good to me, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. 

Spent the second half of Mother's Day 1-to-1 with momsie and treated her to Sukiya hotpot buffet. It wasn't very good in all honesty but the company made it much better. To the noblest woman I know, thank you for the past 20 years and I wish you a happy mother's day; I love you. 

Grateful

Do you know the feeling of having an almost perfect day, with no hiccups? Utter bliss. So rare for days like these to come by naturally, but with the right person, it's possible! I remain grateful.

More updates

What a sleeping beauty 

CUTIE CORGI 

Was queueing for macs the other day during break with my llao colleagues and chanced upon this!!!! Damn I have to eat this soon

BAKING ADVENTURES WITH JO 

Pastry chef Jo pouring the batter into the cupcake liners

IN THE OVEN!!! 

AND TADAH OUR DINOSAUR CUPCAKES (so cute I know right) 

Those chips on top are Reese peanut butter chips btw. Just thought some deco on the cupcake would make it even cuter... and make it taste even better??? 

Brought 24 cupcakes home (LOL we baked like, 60?) one box for my family and the other for JY 

(some cupcakes without frosting because some people may lean towards the health-conscious side so the cupcakes without the frosting aren't too sweet!!!) 

Jo's mom made almond cookies!!! You know those that are on sale during CNY. It's freaking good I finished most of it already 

Backstreet Boys gig with JY!!! WOOP and sorry for the bad quality photos together with all the unglamness but it's cool I love being unglam with him 

BSB WAS SO GOOD THEY WERE AMAZEBALLS 

and here's my (almost) daily dosage of llao sanum (really sick of it already though) 

lazy day at home today because driving and work were both cancelled at the last minute SO POOOOF 

Time for lunch goodbye friends