I cannot fill your unfillable void.
Another semester flew by in the blink of an eye and here we are, welcoming summer with open arms. Time in university passes by so quickly that to be honest... I'm a little afraid of what the future holds and where the future will take me, yet at the same time I can't help but feel the blood pumping through my veins, the adrenaline rush within me: I am excited for the various events that are about to take place, very soon. In the midst of recovery from a rather serious case of an allergic reaction, I've also been spending lots of time at home (practically every day) doing absolutely nothing productive while at the same time, trying to keep healthy and slowly building up my immune system all over again.
A week ago, I moved out of hall. Fortunately, and thankfully, it wasn't my last time moving out of hall because I get to stay in this lovely place for another year. I am only grateful to the people who have helped me as well as for the opportunities given to me. I'm not gonna lie: it was crazy trying to pack up everything in one night. Exhausting, in fact. Yet I had so much reminiscent feels as I went through all my stuff while packing up. From encouragement notes I received during bad times to the letters and gifts I received (yes, I am a very sentimental person), I can only say I am really, just so thankful to the people whom I've crossed paths with in university, and in hall. I've met so many people, forged some really treasured friendships, yet at the same time lost some toxic ones. Yet, again, this whole process of gaining and losing only made me discover so much about myself, but many times I found myself drifting in and out of confusion: who exactly am I; where exactly am I, at this juncture in my life?
Back home again for three whole months, before I move back into hall again for the new academic year. It feels great to be back, in the comfort of home once again. Some things need to settle down. I need to settle down. My mind is a mess; my heart is a flounder. I don't know where to go from here. Just taking baby steps... one step at a time. It is, however, comforting that while I may not know where to go or what to do, I am certain of who I want in my life, and who I don't need. I am pretty darn sure who I want and need in my life and I reckon after so many incidents and hurting, I'm done differentiating between people who are worth it, and people who aren't.
If you'd look at university life from my perspective, you would probably think it's rather strange how the academic year starts in the second half of the year. Which also means that the same academic year ends during the first half of the following year. To me starting a year in the middle of a year somehow feels like I'm given a second chance, a second shot at my new year's resolutions that I haven't fulfilled thus far. That is the wonder of it, certainly?
And after all that I've written I still can't comprehend my attempt to fill this empty space. My thoughts tend to sound better in books I didn't write, and in the songs I didn't sing. Even then, sometimes there is no piece of literature, no song, no work of art that can really explain the way you feel. There is a double-edged comfort in knowing... that no one really knows after all.
You cannot fill my unfillable void.
