Privilege

One of the best posts I've read in 2016 was this:

http://www.upworthy.com/a-short-comic-gives-the-simplest-most-perfect-explanation-of-privilege-ive-ever-seen?c=ufb1

It almost sounds pretentious if I were to say that I've spent my entire life trying to understand privilege, because I haven't even turned 21 and 1/2 of my life thus far was basically me trying to get through puberty. So how is that even possible? But truth be told, I do feel like I've spent my entire life trying to pinpoint what it is exactly. From looking at the people around me and learning from them every other day, to appreciating it myself, to today. I'm still trying to understand it.

I remember when I was young I used to look at some of friends in envy whenever I see them possessing certain tangible items that I could never have owned then. Even as the years passed by and I grew older along the way, this phase did not actually go away. Once in a while I still experience the same thing. Even now. I've always wondered why even though we were ultimately rather similar people, we have vastly different experiences and we never got the same chances in life.

Tonight, I had an epiphany. I finally understood that ultimately, though people are all pretty similar wherever you go, we just don't all have the same chances in life. 

It all just makes complete sense to me now.

I always thought I understood that statement, but now I realise how much I did not understand it at all. Maybe in my head it was always, "Life is just unfair like that." Why? Because for the longest time, I thought life should be fair.

But you know what. Nothing in life is free, nothing in life comes easy. It's supposed to be this way. We work hard for what we want; with hard work, we achieve success. Some people have it easier, because of their backgrounds. Because wanting to achieve a taste of success means having to take control of our lives and work towards what we want to achieve, and although I've always believed that, tonight that belief has solidified.

That goes the same for love. Nothing worth having is ever easy. Relationships are hard work, but maybe love is, too. It's supposed to be this way. Because love is a choice, and while I've also always believed that, tonight, that belief has solidified. You can love someone, but you can dislike them on some days. You can love someone, and not feel happy on some days. You can love someone and feel disconnected from them. Love conquers all, but it shouldn't consume all the other equally important things that make up a relationship. Love is hard work because it needs these other things - constant reevaluating, constant communication, constant effort, the constant decision to choose it, to keep it alive.

But I digress.

There are many places I've dreamed of going from a young age but have never been to, and probably won't anytime soon. There are many things I've wanted to do from a long time ago but have never actually done it, and probably won't anytime soon. There are many tangible items I've wanted to have from a long time ago but have never gotten hold of them, and probably won't anytime soon.

I always thought that life is just not the same for everyone. And it's true.

Because while life may be better for some people compared to me, I often neglect the notion that someone may be having it worse than me.

Even with hard work and other factors (some of which are beyond our control), we may not achieve success, at least not so soon as compared to some others who may get there before we do.

What really captured my attention in the post was this:
"I'm not trying to say I'm against the idea that if we work hard, we succeed," he said. "I would like to think that is true, for the most part, but I just think people often forget or don't realise that our starting points, or our paths to success, aren't all even. Some people have to overcome more obstacles in the path to succeeding than others." That this isn't about anyone needing to feel bad or guilty for the privileges that they have, but rather it's about honesty and understanding - because maybe that's what could lead us to a better place.

Ditto. That alone answers it all. If everyone in the world appreciated what they have and didn't wallow in self-pity for what they can't have, wouldn't the world be a better place for all? I'm in no position to make this critical remark, because I'm guilty of being one of those people at certain points in my life. But tonight this post has impacted me tremendously (positively, of course) and now I just feel embarrassed for having been like that during those times when I did.

Whatever we have, we appreciate, even if we don't actually need it. Whatever we don't have, but need or want it, we work for it, through honest ways. Whatever we can't have, we just have to accept it, because at the end of the day life isn't the same for everyone and we just don't all have the same chances in life.

Privilege; a simple word packed with so much meaning. I finally understand.

Yet again

I haven't felt home sick in a long time but here I am feeling it yet again; only three days into the new semester, only three days into moving back to hall.

Catharsis

"It's hard to describe what it felt like to get a second chance at first love. But the main thing I can tell you is that it wasn't dirty, like me hitting on a kid in a bar, and it wasn't beautiful, like I'd found my way into my own personal heaven.  

It was raw. It was honest.  

It was carthartic." 

 

"There are a lot of times in life when you're not going to know what to do. We never outgrow that. What you need to remember is that, at those times especially, you need to slow down and just put one foot in front of the other. There's no faster route to madness than to try and take everything in at once and figure out your whole path in life from one blind vantage point." 

 

"You need to have the tools inside of you to take care of yourself no matter what. Not alcohol, not sedatives - none of that stuff offers anything more than a temporary solution that ricochets back harder later. I spent a good portion of my life dealing with anxiety the wrong way, as you have pointed out. And in the end that resulted in a price I've had no choice but to pay. If you take nothing forward from here, take that: You have everything you need inside you. You are Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, you know? You already have everything you need." 

Three tiny collective parts of the book I am in the midst of finishing; I indubitably call my favourite. It feels like the author wrote it for me. This book is a means of catharsis for me. Now I know I'll never go wrong seeking solace in books. Times like this - remind me again why I'm so in love with this especially beautiful art called Literature? I'm thankful for it every day.

2016

2 days into the new year and things aren't exactly going as well as I'd planned YET (positivity yes), but I know things can only get better from here. 2015 had been one hell of a year, I really liked it a lot albeit the many ups and downs. It was an extreme roller coaster ride for me but I have to say, the view was always splendid on the top of the world. Who wouldn't agree that it's these ups and downs per se that are the most memorable - that with each year that passes by, when we look back on the year that has passed by, these memories tug at our heartstrings?

2015, you've been a wonderful year. From finishing As after 3 rather fruitful years spent in jc to working as a student care teacher for the bulk of my 8 months long holiday before university started. Sports camp, hall camp, arts orientation week. Then came the moving into hall with JY's help, settling in into hall life, attending my first lecture and tutorial in NUS, going for sports trials, signing up for Biz Comm and many many more........ I'd say it'd been a really fulfilling year though I hadn't actually achieved anything worth mentioning.

But come 2016, with my list of new year resolutions (that I haven't even started on omg lol procrastination at its best it's already the 3rd day of the new year) I'll do better. "New year new me" is so cliched come to think of it but it's actually pretty appropriate in my situation. I can't wait to see all that's in store for me unfold. It will be a great year, I believe, with many little new beginnings this year, not just for me, but for the people around me as well. For one, JY is finally going to finish his national service in ~9months' time, and it's very likely that he will be starting school this August too. I'm so psyched for all our little beginnings and I'm completely in love with the idea of watching him completing a phase in his life that has been thus far, a tiring yet fulfilling one in many little ways, and watching him enter yet another phase in his life. Baby steps, we're all getting there, and growing and maturing a little more each day.

Starting the new semester in exactly one week's time and I really don't feel ready at all. Moving back to hall again after being back at home for a month makes me a little sad because I really love coming back to the coziness and warmth of this place I call home. And with IHG just round the corner, this entire week I'll be back in school nearly every single day for touch and netball trainings. I can't wait to have IHG over and done with so I can concentrate fully on what I've set out to do this upcoming semester. It's going to be a good semester and I'll end year 1 well. I can't wait to see what I am capable of doing.